See Part 1 here.
If I thought I unloaded on Sophie before, I was wrong. Very wrong. When I left our last session, my plan was to go to a conference in Vancouver, finish up my business plan and act on it. Not easy but not totally complicated. My idea was to impress Sophie with how much I completed.
That’s when it all blew up. The day before I left for my conference I found out I would need to move out of my house in San Francisco. This was not a total surprise as I had thought about moving before, but now with a looming business I needed to get off the ground, I started to feel the weight of my life decisions a little more significantly.
I boarded my flight and headed to the conference in Vancouver, very aware that I needed to come up with a good idea or I would be both homeless and unemployed. Not the way I wanted to start 29. Thankfully, my business partner and I ironed out the details for a very promising company. This would mean I would need to move to Austin, Texas ASAP.
Panic to Calm
I was in full panic mode when I got home. How on earth was I going to move and start my own business in a month?
When I realized I had a meeting with Sophie the next morning I actually said “thank god” out loud.
The day I got back I went to go see Sophie and I am pretty sure I looked like a panicked child in a haunted house. I have never been scared of change, but so much is unknown, I think I short circuited. Luckily, Sophie handled my insanity like a boss. Once again, she was an amazing listener and let me unravel on her. She asked open ended question to guide me without trying to fix my feelings for me. She was able to pinpoint that I needed less help on how to do things and more emotional support at this point.
There was a beautiful breakthrough moment when Sophie asked why I was so much more stressed out about this change opposed to others in the past. It was in that moment I realized this is the first time I’ve made a huge move without a partner. I’ve been single for the better part of a year now and it’s made me both completely independent and vulnerable. Once I knew why, I was able to let myself feel the fear without judgement. I’m not supposed to be okay all of the time. Life is overwhelming and scary sometimes.
As I let myself cry for the first time in awhile, Sophie offered to always be a rock for me. So much of my life is uncertain and helping me become aware of the constants in my life brought a ton of comfort. My homework was to create lists of things that are stable, changing, non-negotiable, lists of distractions etc.
I left my meeting calm and in control again. I will admit that these sessions have started turning into therapy for me. Normally I’m not a huge fan of therapy as I don’t want to talk at someone for an hour while they nod. I would rather make a plan for how to make my life easier. That’s why Sophie has been so helpful for me. She’s not just listening, she’s giving me action points so I don’t feel like a jellyfish in a riptide. I’m on my way to steadier shores, and now I have an incredible rock to keep me grounded.